when my dick couldnt get hard she said "fly on little wing"
You don't know the meaning of what the fuck until you wake up naked and alone in someone's bed staring at a dead squirrel on their dresser.
I just dropped macaroni right down my cleavage. For the sake of our future, I'm really banking on this being a turn on for you.
Yeah well tell that to drunk me. She seems to have no standards or gender preference.
other than the jail part I had a really good time with you
I just bought $54 in Easter crap to try and blend in the pregnancy test... And FYI, it totally worked.
Sidenote: do you recall your "give me the d" chant
No man. Everyone needs to shit off a roof, at least once.
I walked into her room to find her sitting on the end of her bed with her heads in her hands talking to herself. She kept muttering things like "What? How? No. What? I don't --- How?" $10 says she's pregnant.
I'll see to your $10 and raise you $40.
She found the planted magnum condom..once she figured it out it was too late.
Why do my weekends always degenerate into using my little brothers childrens board games for drinking games?
I love waking up to reeses ice cream. But I DONT love waking up to it all over my cat. I blame you.
i think i just naturally attract stoners
He's a freak. Not like "freak in the bed" freak but like "eats glue in the weekends" freak.
Had to trim my nails cus they got too long to effectively finger myself with
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