at least after i hook up with someone i have the decency to ignore them
About to find out how well alcohol and lazer tag mix.
decided to have an easter egg hunt this year. the golden egg has weed in it and all the others have shots of vodka. who said we were too old for easter?!?
he drunkenly pissed himself on the deck, in the bathroom, and on my couch within the span of an hour
its like an avodart commercial...maybe he has a growing problem
Please come pick me up? I sleep walked to planned parenthood again.
I just don't understand how a line to ride a camel on a college campus could be too long for you to wait in.
No it's cool, He's been doing my English papers in exchange for lap dances since the eleventh grade. We're very professional.
I GOT A VENDING MACHINE FOR OUR LIVING ROOM
Go forth Daniel, drink, be merry... And meet some hot Asians for your friends to bang
I want to throw all of their shoes in the pool so I feel like there is some justice in the world
When theres a zombie apocalypse, i will be the only fat survivor. I ate chef boyardi ravioli with part of a pen for a fork
If you don't let me come over I'm gonna call you on speaker and you have to listen to her scream and moan too
he spent an hour trying to rescue a bug from the sink. turned out to be a sesame seed.
His wedding band got caught on my nipple ring and that's how I realized he was married
If I don't answer right away it's because I took an Adderall and the fridge needs cleaned.
Randomize
