This girl I work with, who is 18 btw, invited me to her baby shower. Do they sell abortions in gift certificate form?
Protocol on turning down a date from someone in the House of Representatives?
some people offered us free beer as long as we shotgunned it and after you shotgunned four without pausing they took their offer back
You get to be the grown up. Leave a ciabatta by his face.
Oh, and i love you too. Im just a selfish dick who had to talk about myself first
Idk man, she was drunker than me and i was sitting there talking to a raccoon about it's broken leg.
She said I'm so hungry I could eat a dick and winked at me
I'm using the house around the corner that my parents rent out to people as a means of getting sex. I just tell them I'm going for a walk and just invite my next hook up over
That's the last time I get in a car with six rappers headed to god knows where.
Oh dude I know. When something that's supposed stop pregnancies taste like chocolate something's up
I basically have sex lined up for me in three different countries. If that's not a feat I don't know what is
Everyone's going out for thirsty Thursday and I'm just like. Cool. Enjoy yourself. I'm gonna eat an entire pizza and watch King of Queens reruns.
I don't want to sleep with anyone. I just want a burrito
Grandma's bordering on serious shit show territory at this point.
WEED BROWNIES! He put weed in my brownie mix! And he got it from YYYYOOOOUUUU!
Look at the bright side mom. After 20 years dad is still capable of surprising you!
Shut up Max.
Randomize
