Going to bed naked. Too bad I am all alone. Need to make some changes. Either sleep with clothes or with you
i waited two years for her to sleep with me. it just didnt seem worth it.
she lost her virginity three hours after you dumped her.
are you serious?
Damn. That makes sense
I know im like the sherlok holmes of sexual problems
Are you still at the party or did I leave?
she showed up with nothing but olive garden breadsticks in her purse.
He tried to eat me out in the bath... I said it was a bad idea, but he said it was good snorkelling practice for vaca.
Is it bad that I see a party full of girls I know he has fucked as a challenge for me to be the one who ends up in his bed?
HOW LONG TILL THESE DRUGS WEAR OFF. I WORK IN ONE HOUR, I REPEAT, I WORK IN ONE HOUR.
I really resent how she stayed home and ruined my plans to watch sci-fi and masturbate.
All I vaguely remember from last night is getting up on that nice mahogany table and debating about squirrel's rights
sorry for laughing and taking pictures while you were having an asthma attack on st. patricks day
Are you kidding me????? How bout, IM SORRY FOR CALLING YOU 16 TIMES AND LEAVING YOU A TWO MINUTE VOICEMAIL OF MYSELF THROWING UP.
I moved out... There's nothing left but his childhood trophies...
You should make him a new one, you know like "you suck at relationships but thanks for trying participation award"
You're a five foot adderall and caffeine fueled ball of sexual frustration and suppressed rage. It's only a matter of time before you snap. We're taking bets on when.
I woke up with a black eye and a buttplug...not sure I really want to know what happened.
Randomize
