im marching my happy ass in there and im not leaving until he cheats on his girlfriend!
Ever have the mailman look at you like youre a chronic masterbator. I have.
Hurry there's a dancing lesbian. She's a jumper and has impeccable jazz hands.
I just masturbated to the audio from my psych lecture . . . this screwing my prof fantasy is getting serious.
You need to get here now. Before they realize I'm not puerto rican.
I'd bet your vomit would be flammable at this point. Can I try to light it?
We wouldn't be friends if you didn't.
I need to stop drinking alone, I wrote a love letter to my tattoos
I just haven't been myself lately. I slept with a guy 21 years older than me and I've been wearing my hair in a center part.
I specialize in how to hang out and party with randoms after you've hooked up with them. Not in feelings.
He tried to break dance on the island in the kitchen and ended up knocking over everyone's alcohol onto the floor then yelled "GUCCI" before vomiting
I'm so sexually frustrated I feel like I'm going to kill my turtle
Does puke ruin car paint? Good thing it's raining.
I really need to stop turning to the BDSM dungeon masters of tinder whenever my heart hurts
Or is it distressingly heterosexual?
I almost suffocated in that mask but she kept calling me Jeremy so I kept it on.
Randomize
