One of my boys faked an orgasm while fucking a girl tonite, w/ out wearing a condom mind you.
She caught him, and immediately put her clothes on and left.
so, totally just picked up a pack of red bull, and some magnum condoms and the old woman at the register's tone went from "hi blah how are you" to "oh....how YOU DOIN'?" she knew what was up
hey got me stoned for the first time when i was 14. there is no bond stronger
I'm hoping you can explain why I woke up with what I believe is pumpkin pie all over my body
So....maintenance found the bullethole.....
she's just sitting here eating cilantro out of my herb garden and watching some show about ducks on tv and laughing, what the fuck did you give her?
A man in denim coveralls just shotgunned a beer on the dance floor
Just did an upsidedown spineboard shot. Gotta love lifeguard parties.
Between the dance party in the car and the distraction of the momma bear and two cubs im a cops wet dream roght now when comes to wreckless driving.
These bathrooms are miraculous. I'd love to have sex in here. Wow. I've peed 5 times.
Holy shit, I wanna ride him into the horizon.
sex on acid sucks though, i want to connect with the universe not your dick.
Steven and I talked about running for office again today. It's fucked that my 3 dream jobs are marijuana bakery owner, bar owner, and president.
What are you, a fucking toaster ?
Just got your voicemail. The 3am call wasn't a drunk dial, it was an I left my phone in my pocket then has wild animalistic sex dial...
I hate you.
You LOVE me.
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