her nose should be used as a dorsal fin
i did make 45 jello shots and that makes me feel more productive then any paper would
Why did I think it was so necessary to steal that rolling pin?
he confused my yawn for an orgasm
Do you ever feel like a plastic bag?!
I feel like I got hit by a bus. A head on collision with my vag.
Her fortune said that she will soon be free. She's taking her bra off at the table.
Whatever. I just smoked another bowl so I don't care and wow I just noticed how fast my thumb moves when I text. I'm amazing.
YOU ARE TAKING ADVANTAGE OF MY INEBRIATED STATE
YOU ARE DRUNK AND USED AND SPELLED THE WORD "INEBRIATED" CORRECTLY. I AM TAKING ADVANTAGE OF NOTHING.
I CAN'T HELP THAT I'M MULTITALENTED YA FUCKER
Some guy in the bathroom just took his shirt off and proceeded to tell me the story behind all of his stab wounds. That's what I get for making small talk
There's a baby duck in my toilet. Fuck you.
His weed is so good that I don't wanna risk loosing him as my weed man so I plan to keep him in the friend zone 😂
I feel like I should have held a press conference. The state of my vagina
I know this sounds fake but she's deep frying a bar of soap right now
Come fucking get her
A cop may or may not have seen my bare ass against the moonlight within the past hour
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