Do u think I can claim pregnancy as an accident so my insurance covers it?
Thank you for leaving pool of vagina on my girlfriends carpet.
he just fed my chickens on farmville...i guess that's his way of saying thanks for the sex<3
We raised our shot glasses and you screamed out "TO MY DAD FINALLY GOING TO REHAB!"
You made eat vitamins until I threw up
There were penises being pulled out everywhere.
Damn, it's been so long since I had sex I could use the cobwebs from my vagina to decorate for Halloween.
Weirdest sensation ever: having your penis fall asleep. It was like tiny hulk hogan was choking it out
I'm gonna try Jim's breakup remedy this weekend.
Is that the one where you drink 3 cases of beer and rewatch as much WWE RAW as you can find? Or the one where you hookup with fatties on Craigslist?
I know you're aving fun across the room but I can clearly see you getting a handy. It's not as "low key" as she promised. Also, why are you texting while she's doing it?!
It also means I'm watching porn with mario earphones so i can hear. Possibly the best way to mastrabate EVER
Apparently I have decided there are no repercussions for my actions
Just witnessed a man yell "gonna catch a slut!" at himself in the mirror while doing bicep curls at the gym.
I was...perplexed.
Thanks for making me a drunk burrito last night and cutting it into bite size pieces, I always knew you were a keeper.
Now I know Sunday Funday means fucking till you loose your voice.
Randomize
