I'm gonna get wrecked tn I might have to keep my phone at home cause I'm sure ill send you really weird txts
how do you have sooo much energy?
billy mays threw in a lil somethin extra when i ordered some oxiclean last week
i have now learned nap means the same thing as sex in college
I just remember getting him back by licking the window on his truck.
Fairly certain I called dibs on your lesbian virginity last night
I also witnessed that same parrot perched on the head of a man grinding with a girl.
Interesting. As a girl I don't know how okay I would be with that.
She seemed pretty into it.
He said he actually "met" me for the first time through a picture his housemate had of me, drunk and passed out in a pool of my own vomit, on the floor of his basement.
The stripper was dressed as the green lantern. Even for a geeky girls' bachelorette party it was lame ass.
WE HAVE WINE WHERE ARE YOU GUYS WE ARE BY THE GIANT EAGLE
Well I'm half drunk in a green tutu at a chipotle. So pretty good parade.
Oh my fucking god, I was conceived on the first date.
Jesus when did you leave my house? I found 2 bottles of wine, vodka, and a book with blow all over it wondering if I was read bedtime stories
The closest thing I've had to an orgasm lately is sneezing nonstop from fucking allergies.
I just peed on myself the semester has officially began.
I would totally suck a dick for some poutine right now
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