When do i get to see u next week?
When I teabag your entire family
No. I was horrified and confused as to why you thought scrambled eggs and cottage cheese was a good mix
we found a loaf of bread in my bathroom i believe its yours. sorry i took a shower before we noticed so it might be soggy
He told the cop he was underage, handed the cop his ID, and the police report read "I then informed the suspect that he was not, in fact, underage"
the whole story woulnd't be so depressing if i had made out with ANYONE but the piano player.
My stepdad and I just tag-team hit on a server at McDonald's. This is the man I should have grown up with.
Confidence is key. All I had to tell him is I'm drinking a bottle of wine and eating chocolate today to celebrate that I love myself. That's how you get a Valentine, my friend.
That's the point dumbass, I can't use my boss as a reference cause they'd have to fucking call him in prison.
If I die tonight and was cremated, you could probably get high off the smoke.
Wrote my name backwards on the test and asked for extra credit points. Late start booze days are my new favorite thing.
He's over here like "remember those pics you sent me a couple years ago? Those were hot." And I'm like "remember talking about what we were gonna name our kids a couple months ago? That was hot." Therein lies the disconnect
logically I know i should probably study somewhere outside my dorm room, but if I do that then I cant drink and smoke half as much while i study
Help I accidentally unlocked this guy's tragic backstory and I need a rewind button!
Where are you guys?
Drunk
eating pizza to get the taste of dick out my mouth wby
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