You don't get off work for this? I feel genuinely bad for you.
I'll have a beer when I get into the office. Yes, I hide beer in my work frige.
you were crying and the really sympathetic homeless man offered you a sip of his whiskey. who was i to stop you?
Why the fuck do they always fuck on couches in porn?
Don't ever text me while you're jacking off. EVER.
I have more bruises, scratches, and overall soreness from my birthday weekend than my car accident.
I was unaware that a tutu and pasties was appropriate attire to this
she stopped mid-blowjob to explain how to acheive the haircut shown in the movie
I ended up with a bullet proof vest and I still don't know his last name.
370HSSV 0773H read that upside down
what are you doing with your life
definitely not taking the whole return culture shock so well...drinking a 100 proof rootbeer vodka float out of a german beer mass
I asked a lamppost to be my valentine. Also: I'm wearing a sombrero. We need more sombrero in our lives.
First memory of my senior year: Going into registration still drunk from last night.
When the theology professor asked me what touched me most about this trip to Rome, I guess "the guy from last night" wasn't the proper response.
the guy next to you kind of looks like a penguin. i'm going to fuck him
I'm getting paid to get fucked up. How much better could this get?
How much weed can I reasonably smoke now if I have to leave for work in a bit over an hour
Randomize
