my best friend tried to rape me with a pineapple
what is it about summer that misdirects my moral compass so much?
i just bought weed at the top of a mountain, best decision of our lives to go to school in colorado.
going to the gym drunk. fuck whoever made basketball season and getting a spring break ready body in the same season.
I just met his wife...she told me they have been having marriage problems and are spending his paychecks on marriage counseling...then she cried on my shoulder...NOW i feel like a bitch.
ill do whatever it takes for me to get more high and eat pie
You know how hard it is to drive a dirtbike down a road with 2 plants of weed on your lap. Fucking hard
Shoot me. I need tickles, a drink, sushi and a handy
Order is debatable
He came up to me looked at my tits said they were huge, rated them a 7 and then asked if girls really do masterbate. To make it better, he put his hand up to my face and said his penis is longer than my face...
Please come and rip my uterus out before it does it itself
I brought a guy home then decided no. Took him back to the bar and said "I'm going to drop you where I found you. Have fun"
I don't know if I'm feeling really nervous right now or just extremely horny.
Apparently I showed all your grooms men my vagina to prove I did not have underwear on. Awesome
I gave him a blowjob to kill bill. 2 of my favorite things.
you took my virginity. you can't have my alcohol too.
Randomize
