I dont know whats worse: her telling me she was so drunk i was "almost sexy," the fact that even when theyre shitfaced, im just "almost sexy" to girls, or the fact that i wasnt that offended by it.
He doesn't need a wingman, he needs a miracle
After he told me that it's up to him to carry on his family name, I almost felt bad for not letting him cum inside me.
He's slept with 25.5 people. Wtf is a half?
Everything in my purse is 100% saturated in red wine, which made it challenging to cover up my booze breath with franzia soaked gum
when you wake up in a apartment hallway wearing someone else's shoes, you can pretty much assume last night was a success.
I was throwing up in the shower. He was throwing up on me. It was a cute couple moment for us.
Well, no one has ever described you as a perfectly balanced individual
If your mother gets up on the bar again, I will. The bouncer already had a talk with her earlier.
I didn't have the heart to tell him that the reason my vagina was so "prelubricated" was because I had just had another gentleman caller an hour earlier. So, when he commented about how turned on I appeared, I just went with it.
I woke up to my roommate checking my pulse
Update: That guy is no longer in the restroom, so he's probably not dead.
OMFG. JUST WALKED IN ON A DUDE JERKING IT IN THE MCDONALDS BATHROOM
Stall or urinal?
its hard to say precisely how it happened, but the next thing i knew i was on top of a mountain
My life. Always pantsless and occasionally topless.
Randomize
