hotel room ftw
i just realized how high i was when i was screaming red light challenge at the top of my lungs and am watching it alone
I'm trapped in whichever ring of hell is populated by inbred yokels and type 2 diabetes.
I left my toothbrush at her house. This is getting way too serious for me.
you rearended a car with your bike and then puked all over his back windshield. They made BUI's for you.
when i'm drunk i think im just gonna point at him and yell adultery is a sinnnn. youre going to helllll
just went back to the bar and asked if they found a shoe last night.
What are the signs of a concussion? Please don't freak out.
I had to step in when you tried to make it rain baking powder on my sister
I'll just dance on top of the ping pong table, and if it's stable enough for that, then it's stable enough for sex
Just used my boobs as a ramp to guide ramen into my mouth.
As girls, Bert & Ernie are not very bangable costumes. At least not by who we'd want to get banged by.
I was kidding. But I promise you I'd still find us the most eligible bangables, even if we dressed up like a dumpster and a prom night baby.
He just fingered me to the Lion King soundtrack. And when he left he turned dramatically and said "I'll be back after work. Be prepared." Taint ALL the childhood memories.
I told her I wanted to use him as a chew toy while simultaneously licking his face.
Did she tell him? And if so, was he cool with it? If yes, date him, date the fuck outta him.
Let's buy some Wrangler jeans and be real live men.
Randomize
