Also, I'm sitting at a crosswalk watching two Mexican gangs fight each other. I miss you too. A lot.
the best job he will get is a sex ed teacher in alabama
im sober playing flip cup. its like cheating.
I'm gonna need you to NOT let me play duck duck goose with three racoons in the middle of the street next time.
The other. Cat spoke to me and left. This shit is laced
The first cat might save me but they are taking out masks
He lasted about 30 seconds then said you can't win them all. But then he made me pancakes so it's okay. We shall call him mancakes.
You need to braveheart it on Monday. Blue face paint and a loin cloth screaming freedom in your front yard.
Omg do you remember last night you kept pointing to your vag asking who wants to play this like a fiddle hahaha
The last thing I remember was naked hot tub and taking a shot and using the hot tub water as a chaser. Not acceptable.
Kyle found me outside his apartment in the hallway. Said he didn't hear me knock bt smelled alcohol through the door. I'm sucha bitch to my liver
I'm going to start charging you rent if you keep leaving your random conquests on my living room couch the morning after
I'm sitting at dinner with my family looking over sexts. The thirst is far too real. They're talking about retail and I'm like haha, yes, you are all correct.
You chased a rabbit then knocked on a police car and asked the cop "if he saw where that little bastard went."
I'm doing my drinking workout. 20 pushups for each beer I finish. I should write a fucking book
Cancel your plans for the fourth someone is streaming iron chef on twitch
Randomize
