i just saw an ambulance and a fire truck pull away from the dorms. it appears somebody actually IS feeling shittier than me today.
First date: that requires underwear, huh?
It's official, I've know hooked up with everyone I carpooled with in middle school
Woke up un the hot tuv. Climbed out fo the hot tub and fell asleeo. Woke ip again in the hot tub.
he fucked my hip out of place.
Dipping doritos in Grey Poupon. Why does no one treat me like the lady I am?
More or less binge drinking as a giant grape seemed justified
I guess I've just seen a lot of penises since then
I don't know where he learned to eat pussy but I thought I was going blind
Drinking Hot Toddies on the Porch and blasting bob dylans "hurricane" bring it on sandy!
after you left he started opening his bottles by smashing the neck against the edge of the fireplace and pouring beer into his mouth. it was about the manliest thing ive ever seen. its probably how lumberjacks open their beers... if they didnt have their axes handy.
Just had a guy try to pull the maraca out of my shirt with his teeth... Wtf
Dude I just clenched/unclenched my hindquarters while looking in the mirror I have fucking talent
I just talked with someone about real estate trends in Atlanta then got three blowjobs in a row. Boom.
I just found vampire teeth and a moustache in my purse. do you know why?
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