Me liking this guy is the best diet ever. Do I want this cookie...or do I want to get laid.
um i just went through the in-n-out drive thru and meant to ask for my cheeseburger animal style. turns out what i actually said was, can i get that cheeseburger doggy style? been a rough weekend.
and after you realized your puke was bright blue, you started crying hysterically and screaming, "I DON'T WANT TO BE A SMURF!" no more uv blue for you.
He must hate going to the bathroom. Every time he does he is reminded how small his dick is.
This is one of the fundamental differences between you and I. If I found meat in a plastic bag, I wouldn't put it in my mouth.
I just found my coat check number in my underwear.
I mean, once you get beat with a dildo you can't look at someone the same
I want him to come over and snuggle with me but put a bag over his head. Is that rude?
It's not rude if you use a pillowcase that's softer.
somehow a sneeze triggered me puking over everyone in the car
Using a joint as a bookmark. What is my life?
What do you want to swallow. Press 1 whiskey press 2 rum
Instead of more alcohol, I decided to drink tea. Lets slow clap it out for me
I'm ready to get married, then we can lie around watching anime and eating pizza while he rubs baby oil on me
You also once spent an entire hour explaining the origin of the strip steak to me.
I left her alone for a few minutes and she's already using a guy on his hands and knees as a chair while another guy is serving her margaritas.
Randomize
