He came and then made the Jim Halpert face. does that say disappointment or what
He just left me a message saying he left the rest of the weed for me. Did i just get paid for sex? And if yes did i just get paid in drugs?
dude, showing up drunk to physics was the best idea ever. I just tripled my participation for the semester. I love st pattys day
They have an open bar at this baby shower. I was born to be Cuban.
I hope the dean has a raincoat on because I'm prolly gonna throw up on him when I get my degree
Overdraft my account again. Parents are starting to ask questions. What would go over better a gambling or drug addiction??
I'm gonna go drown myself in the shower. Make sure to cover me up before the paramedics arrive. I'm too fat to be seen naked right now.
No The bastards made me buy a new one, They don't cover water damage an apparently they consider salsa water damage
I was looking at your puke while I was peeing in it the next morning and that ceasar salad did not treat you well
I legitimately forgot how to blow my nose just now. Sleep might be handy.
Everyone here knows my boyfriend as "Half Baked". Life, he's doing it right.
I raged so hard that I was so hungover today I threw up out of a car window going 50mph cause my parents didn't pull over quick enough ...sorry to the people behind us
Crowning achievement. I bought ranch dressing and emergency contraception.
The tequila monkeys have a drum solo in my skull right now. I can't imagine Emily feels better.
I only gave you one rule about using the beach house: don’t get cum on anything!
You’ve seen my tits! You had to know that rule was unrealistic! Does it help that he was really cute?
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