I'm not a real person
I'm sorry, everyone knows that
Oh please, I could turn a Vienna Boys Choir concert into a shit show
When you wake up, I have rum and am in town
I HATE DRINKING WITH JUST GIRLS, ITS 1030 THEYRE ALL HAMMERED AND TALKING ABOUT HOW AWESOME THEIR SHOES ARE!!!!!!!
omg he fucking fingered me this morning. and i was just like this is the most awkward alarm clock ive ever had
I just dropped off shoes at Mike's hotel. The chick he hooked up with last night stole his phone and shoes.
Trust me I was high for like 5 years...I got this
I seriously had to check my phone this morning to make sure I didn't agree to any strange sexual favors.
It's George Washington's Birthday. Can you not put on some red white and blue and get really drunk for the original Merican??
Is it bad I'm drunk at orientation
You've been there for 12 hours, what are you supposed to be doing
Not be drunk
I peed sitting down because I knew standing was a lost cause
Man I can't wait till Thursday if strippers and beer are what you consider "research"
I'm beginning to think shitting his pants is just a normal thing for him.
I'm covered in bite marks and have a cracked rib - was a good weekend
It was a strange night. I made out with his college roommate and said "do you care?" beforehand.
Randomize
