Yeah she is in it for the money, wait til she finds out i am broke and the sex doesnt get better
hungover + watching bobsledding = i just puked
So high. I just took a picture of my chewed gum so I can remember to paint a picture of it as a cloud later.
Just want you to know I am def drunk enough to burn down your house. Don't worry I checked the stove like 6 times. I love grilled cheese
On the bright side I still get a $20 referral bonus at the plasma center even though he passed out during donation because he was so high.
figured you should hear this from me. Your refrigerator door is way broken. I opened it last night when i was drunk and tried to climb the shelves. i got to the one with the mustard.
Not much, really baked..... beethoven is AMAZING it's like i'm flying in space with baby jesus
Someone's having a good night if they're getting gummi bears and Astroglide.
I'm sports announcer narrating myself making a sandwich. Your weed wins.
I didnt realize until i got your email that what i've been missing in my life is someone to send me dog gifs
Still pimpin that dick in the cornfields. Now it's just transferred to the local bar.
My dick has a subreddit
Uhh I just had to break up with a guy who I didn't even know I was dating...
The sad moment you remember you have no power for a week and can't flush.....
Wrong number bro but that sounds like a damn shame.
you know it was a good night when you wake up with a medal around your neck
Randomize
