Yeah, getting the HI-fiVe would really put a damper on my whoring around.
Singing into hair straightener during spice girls....sooo dangerous
i was getting a blow-job tonight in the mens bathroom of a bar and the bouncer comes in and says "bro i don't mean to cock block but you cant do that here."
MCAT status: Day 64, no longer can remember what sex is like.
Maybe someone other than the mad hatter should have gone with him to the ER
new years resolution, not be in jail at midnight for 3rd year in a row.
You planned my entire going away party sitting in the bath tub cradling a bottle of Cuervo. You promised me fire jugglers. And a pinata.
holy shit i just had sex in a phone booth i so feel young again
I will never understand why the dress to get laid party is always scheduled to be during family weekend. Its not even ironically funny.
He drank his beer out of his own shoe. Its his "party trick"
Am I supposed to confront my 52-year-old boss/mother of 3 about the fact that we matched on Tinder?
You can't talk like Dr. Evil to me five minutes after the greatest orgasm of my life.
drunk and crying about Shakespeare- how's your night?
Taking care of drunk people fulfills my need to be a mother
Oh god I found a set of car keys in my pocket, and I have no idea who's they are
Randomize
