Haha na a cat just ran under your car. Howd that happen?
Probably a woman cat. Doesnt think things through
I woke up this morning to 4 booty call texts. So i am trying to find the sign that says i like to sit on cocks so that i can take it off.
trust me, i wonder where that sign is on a daily basis.
What kind of person begs for a BJ from someone who just got their wisdom teeth out?
Finals week has gone away, doo dah doo dah, drink martinis naked day oh da doo dah day
How drunk are u on a scale of one to couldn't get it up if u had a gun at ur head?
I feel like I owe it to them to wear pants.
We all just did coke and we're coloring so if you're sober its pointless for you to come over here
I'm assuming the reason my elbow is so sore has something to do with all the broken shot glasses eh?
Yep
Here is a brilliant idea passed on from men who have that same regret. WEAR A FUCKING CONDOM ALWAYS.
His penis contains the glue that keeps this relationship together.
No. No. No. No one's allowed to fuck in the yurt.
I mean, with your nipple problem im surprised. #hangacoatonem
Why do I have a wristband from the birthing center at the University of Maryland hospital....
I was desperate and wasn't about to let my cereal get soggy so I ate it on the toilet. Don't let me repeat last night.
I just wanna go home jackoff, eat chicken fingers, drink beer, play halo and go to bed. I'm sick of this shitty school, the shitty kids and having to fucking teach them.
Randomize
