I went out, and slept with my sunglasses on
it wasn't lemon gatorade
I woke up at 5am and he was watching me sleep... Come get meee!!??
Please don't die.. At a gay bar... On a Wednesday. Obituaries are not allowed to be that entertaining.
I need a leash, or some shame. Maybe.
I'm such a fucking super-fan. I was worried his cum would wash away his autograph.
A beer is a heart your wish makes!!!
I apparantly wanted to name her baby garbage
So he says to my dad "I'll pull out of your daughter but I'm not going to apologize". Yea, my night was fun.
Dude, you need better judgement.Trust me I know. I put my dick in the wrong mouths all the time
she is legit trying to fuck me to death between her and work i haven't slept in 3 days and have at least 16 hours to go before sleep is a possibility. can i crash at your place she doesnt know where you live
Also while I’m drunk I saw your penis in like 4th grade when I walked past the boys bathroom
How was that girls surprise party last night?
Got absolutely destroyed tried to put somebody's leather jacket on and make out with their mother. You know.. the norm
Of course his biggest mistake was assuming that I ever gave a fuck to begin with.
I text the word "masturbation" so much, all it only takes my iPhone to auto-spell it is for me to type "mas".
Randomize
