clay aiken is like melissa ehteridge without the guitar.
I just told this girl who bought a pregnancy test "good luck"
i told her that i loved her pillow breasts and then she asked me if i wanted to motor boat them. so yea, i do need the room tonite.
Aparently his snake got loose in the middle of the night. Not a sex joke, he has a fucking snake
Just had a serious bathroom emergency at walmart a and it appears that i ate a taco bell burrito wrapper last night
The woman at the nail salon waxing my lip just showed me the strip with all the hair on it while smirking. Apparenltly 'you have a stache' can be communicated through a language barrier.
She cut off the top of a watermelon and is now eating it with a spoon. She's more than half done.
she's crying while babbling "all i do is win"
I've been meaning to ask you. The first night in the city did we do key bumps with a suicidal homeless man? My memory is fuzzy
you made sure you came back for your bottle of vodka but didn't remember to take your shoes
Good point, clearly my love of penis contributed to my torn knee ligament.
Slowly realizing that my only incentive to bathe is shower beer
I have an interview tomorrow! The couple we regularly swing with said I could use them as references. Winning
so my dads pretending to use the snow blower and theres absolutley no snow one the ground.... someone should really lock our liqour cabinet
just woke up with a trucker hat, half a grilled cheese, and popcorn spread everywhere. last night must have been good.
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