Some guy with no shirt on and his pants undone informed us he was kicked out of the cab
I asked him why, and he had absolutely no idea.
i have this gut feeling friday is going to be interesting.\nAnd by interesting I mean I feel like im going to get punched in the face by his girlfriend.
its official. the only way for my hair to look good is to blow somebody
I'm pretty sure I have a cold now from having sex on the hood of my car in the rain. Worth it? Absolutely.
oh, so if i go friday and she's there, you are going to be my sponsor for not banging the crazy chick
"drunk introduce yourself to everyone colleen" came out last night... you kept grabbing guys faces that you just met and just kept saying their names over and over and over again so you wouldn't forget.. then would see them 5 minutes later to introduce yourself again..
I have to answer enough questions about you, I don't need your uterus tossed in the conversation.
Right now I'm drinking out of a gallon water jug & eating a baconator. If you're feeling down, just remember you could be me.
I need vodka mixed w a bit of holy water right now
I'll screw just about anything, but I draw the line there
There's a 50-50 shot that I will wake up with an ass tattoo tomorrow.
He is a sex God. It lasted more than an hour, and I don't remember how many times I came. I lost count at 57.
I'm sharing a breakfast burrito w my uber driver
The only thing that makes a night with half a bottle of cheap vodka is the other half of that bottle of cheap vodka.
my dad just liked my status about my bowl being stolen even he feels my pain
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