This is some kinda fucked up sordid doggy brothel peepshow bullshit.
She was that classic mixture between "Hell no" and "Why the fuck not."
I spit up blood this morning
That's vegas.
Can you bring me a pair of sunglasses to the bathroom please... Don't judge me.
this is the second time this week i got a blowjob from a crying girl.
Just asked my dog if he was proud of me for making it home. That drunk.
Sorry for eating those cheese fries out of your hands last night
I'm sitting on our balcony drunk. And in my underwear. Our relationship with our neighbors may improve.
Jesus, I just want to drink. Also simultaneously punch things and rub my vagina on them.
You go to bars with sophisticated older men, I steal lawn ornaments. Priorities
Netflix, eggnog, and bed? Maybe some hand stuff?
I used to sleep with a guy on the USA rugby team... He stole my credit card and my Hitman DVD. I'm more upset about the Hitman DVD..
If he's dating my cousin now, do I have to erase the pictures of his dick off my phone? Ugh, morals.
What's a really polite way of saying "you have gravely overestimated the value of your vagina?"
Got baked and laid and ate baked lays when I laid down while baking the brownies I I’m Superman
You’re still high, aren’t you?
Oh yeah
Randomize
