dude we were spooning naked in bed with her ass in my crotch. she sharted in her sleep all over my dick.
oh man you're gonna hate me when you log onto facebook. remember i love you
to do: lose virginity to hamster dance
my ex just saw me in his brothers bed. fuck yes revenge feels good
Thats gotta be it. Also just found out that the fireworks will fit in the airsoft pistols...we are all gonna die
I just looked at a girl and was like what disease does she have? And then my mind caught up ohhh shes pregnant.
They are fixing my bike for free, trying to smoke me out, and their kids keep hugging me.
Hey... Tell me if you remember differently, but nobody truly saw me naked, right?
I'M SO LONELY THAT I TEXTED THE FRESHMAN
Started the 4th with a foursome. I don't know if it gets more festive than that. #MERICA
I just jerked him off with one hand while holding my wine glass with the other and watching Congo. I feel like this was a preview to my married life...
She's like the sister I never had that I want to bang.
I made out with 4 out of 4 girls I was out with last night, I'm pretty sure everyone knows I'm a lesbian by now
YOU'RE NOT THE ONE BEING EVISCERATED BY YOUR OWN UTERUS SO GET SOME DAMN SLEEP YOU FOOL!
was having sex but got distracted... he instragramed a pic of his crotch
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