we're blogging at a bar
since i spend so many of my nights sleeping on the bathroom floor i think im going to remove all toiletries from under my sink and replace them with a pillow and blanket.
The guy that just projectile vomited over the balcony is now going down to find the pill he just puked up. He said he wasn't about to waste $15.
FYI, when you wake up, please note that I puked in your shoes because I sstubbed my tooee, not becus I was drunk.
I loved your drunken rendition of "I wanna dance with somebody" that you left on my voicemail last night.
Ideas for halloween. We need simple yet hilarious. Cheap yet effective. Slutty yet acceptable. Go.
Can't. I took a Viagra to make sure I wouldnt leave the room so I might actually study.
By the way, I'm pretty sure your husband is publicly advocating more BJs for my husband, via Facebook.
I know you`re my best friend, but when i wake up with this bad of a hangover and no memories of last night, i dont want to see your tits ad my background.
Hey, if I can't get it and you're still alive, can you get the glass out of my foot? Happy Sunday.
I just shaved my "bikini area" into a fucking pizza slice
I need dunkaroos back in my life.
I have to tell him to stop eating me out so I'm not late for work; my life could be a lot worse.
I'm basically the yoda of knowing when someone wants to sleep with you
Once you start using "cuddles" as a code word for sex you'll never get real cuddles again
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