we got back to my place and he started talking about feelings. i politely told him to leave and that he managed to cock block himself.
if she leaves who will i have to secretly talk about behind thier back
threw up during christmas carols. the audience at the church seemed to immediately know i was a college student
Hahaha you puked all over his shirt.
You puked in the planter and everyone saw your snatch.
Well someones bitter they didn't get any.
How do I tactfully ask if the neighbors downstairs can hear me beating it?
Things got outta hand once she told me to water-board her with Patron.
Fuck at this point id do just about anything for 20 bucks
That has been your downfall in past encounters with 20 dollars bills
The worst decision I made last night was allowing myself to be duct taped to the ceiling
Bring scissors.....i think im gonna have to be cut out of this damn jockstrap
Sweet. Well pat yourself on the back this penis just burst back into the the game and the vaginas of millions
I’m almost positive this girl is drinking a mojito in class right now, if so she’s my new hero
Moral of the story: fuckboys never change
Only thing exciting about him was his dick.
Oh man I missed being single! Two different guys just sent me dick pics during my kid’s little league game.
You abruptly started screaming because they had and I quote “calamari on the hoof”
Randomize
