If Jimminey Cricket were here with me he would be so disappointed.
she's in the bathroom throwing up right now...what is the hookup protocol after she is done? what all can I do with her?
: am i supposed to send the mass text 'merry christmas!' to my booty calls too?
Seriously.......what do you have to do to get arrested in Vegas???
She called herself a train and then took off all her clothing. I forget everything after that.
I saw you two flinging Jello at the sidewalk if that helps jog your memory.
Imagine a baby lion feeding on an injured gazelle and it tasting fresh blood for the first time. That's me and this breakfast sammich
i just thought that perhaps i was done with the "boning on someone else's futon" stage of my life. guess not.
Even though he was watching you pee on his bedroom floor, you kept denying it and saying he was dreaming
Exactly. Some of us want to get married. And some of us want to wear sombreros and do cocaine. To each their own.
We have to have sex twice when i get back. I miss you sex, and thank god the nhl lockout is over sex. I will happily let you wear your sharks jersey during it and i will wear my ducks jersey, and it will be mad rivalry sex.
when I woke up, he was drunk and singing "soft kitty" and petting my face
he keeps various drugs in his kitchen cupboard like groceries. that is my new life goal as an adult.
I'm going to need to invest in some knee pads if I keep having nights like tonight
She's gonna be mad if she finds out you put weed in her house warming cookies
I can't talk, I can't walk, I think I'm twitching and I'm not even sure if I'm typing this. Help
Randomize
