just caught grandpa beating off in the living room
woke up this morning wit a massive hangover. walked to my truck and found at least 35 for sale signs, a stop sign, and a julie kim sign...need answers
yea, you decided to become a real estate agent last night on the way home from the party. You started bitchin about how Julie Kim was stealing all your buisness....
i just funneled a beer through a mask n snorkel.. can you check that off my bucket list..
I just accidentally stumbled into an AA meeting...I think its a sign
She said "Lay the fuck down and ill show you how its done. Ill get us both off." I did. And she did. Best words ever said before sex.
I just got asked if I have a rule for sleeping with people. Like they have to buy me dinner first etc...
On that note, do I have a rule?
If Amber from Teen Mom can get a new boyfriend, so can I.
I think a 5 ft pyramid of jello shots in honor of the egyptians is in order
I wanna die of smoke inhalation. In a huge teepee. Or one of those big things kids in kindergarten have that you throw up in the air then sit inside of.
Throwing up in his bed is not a step up in your relationship
You fucked him. I baby bird fed him whiskey . I feel like we've bonded.
From now on when a guy sends me a dick picture I'm going to send them a picture of some other dudes dick.
Nobody likes ball hair. Not even gay dudes
We kicked down a door together last night, pretty sure that qualifies us as best friends.
we live vicariously through your huge boobs
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