now I regret adding my aunt on facebook. she remnded me today on my wall about the importance of checking my stools for blood since I have diaherria.
I feel so much closer to you now that I heard your poop splash into the toilet.
I'm thankful she wil die Alone. And I'm thankful I slept wiht her cousin. And brother.
Despite fighting the urge to vomit throughout the whole thing, I think that interview went really well!
You know me. Don't need roses, just dick and food.
Most violent shit of my life. New Years resolution of eating better is already kicking me in the face.
There's two sisters at this place and they look competitive. Try for a threesome tonight?
Don't patronize me, I thought of that on peyote, so it was basically like a message from God.
Where are you? Your parents are here. Their flight got in early.
Trashy Tequila Tuesdays. Have them meet me here @ the bar.
I'm not sending your parents to see you drunk at a gay bar. What kind of boyfriend do you think I am?
A great one. Entertain them i'll be home soon....... I think
i rearranged my furniture so i could masturbate in the sun. how's that for spring cleaning?
I just watched your sister pour half a bottle of cotton candy flavored snow cone syrup into a bottle of marshmallow flavored vodka, take a swig, frown, and pour a cherry coke in.
Just wait until she offers you a "powerita"
My father has a definite type: blonde, busty, 18-22. It was awkward when I was in college, but now I'm over it. I play wingman for him and he buys me expensive purses for the assistance in getting him hooked up with girls younger than me. Win-win.
He eats ass but won’t hold open doors. My kinda guy.
Chivalry really is dead.
I have post one night stand depression
I feel like my entire body is ashamed of me today
You're a god amongst men today
Randomize
