3:38a: you guys up to anything right now?
i wanna do a homemade sex video in sepia and pretend were in the early 20th c
The world would have a new energy source if someone would just take a blacklight to the backseat of that slut's car
1.) You left the rest of your whiskey here 2.) I drank your whiskey 3.) then made a steam roller out of the bottle 4.) Everything tastes like whiskey
Guys, right now i need a picture of a squirrel, preferably with one of you guys but not necessary.
I'm still hoping for it dude. Random north dakota pussy. If my 16 year old self knew that these were my dreams he would so try to beat me up, and i think he could.
Me and a 30 year old man are sitting in my bathtub in swimsuits drinking straight rum from the bottle. Don't tell me how fucked up your Christmas is.
I've learned life lessons in Vegas. Mostly, drugs are cheaper than alcohol.
Ask me who hasn't showered since Sunday and just got cruised at the gas station on his way to work. I'm a terrible gay.
Rule travel - in 2s or put an ankle monitor on me, and maybe a shock collar.
You know your acid trip is going well when the orange you're eating gives you a life lesson
I was gonna start crying but as he was asking me for my info i saw him eyeing my rack. So I sorta started pushing them together. He asked me to get out of the car he made me turn around so he could check me out and then he said and I quote "okay ma'am. Everything is fine, I'm going to let you off with a warning. Next time if you're not wearing yoga pants you might not be as lucky" I am blessed.
He lit a candle for the mood and ended up lighting my hair on fire while we were hooking up...moodkiller
I just need to find a good handlebar mustache to sit on until I'm over that beard
Was I trying to make a threesome happen again?!
Yep
I need to stop doing that, Im gonna get punched in the face
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