i need a penis for penetration, you wont do.
oh yeah... my b.
I hope you have a really shitty weekend. I love you.
One of my residents in my hall just found my positive pregnancy test from last year I hid behind the fridge, I'm just going to tell them it was for a science project.
OH GOD PAJAMAS ARE SUCH A HARD CONCEPT RIGHT NOW
He kept saying it was because he was allergic to the chicken. Then he threw up on my mom.
Drunk roommate walked in on us and asked if we wanted to go eat a sandwich with her in the bathroom.
I am definitely the only sober one on this train. And the only one not wearing a business suit. Wow, Monday Korea.
So is there some kind of punch card you and I get to use every time we fuck a chick with a cast?
Strike three, the fat brides maid they call shit puker also has herpes.
You asked the waitress what the corking fee would be on the Joose you smuggled into the restaurant.
He Dutch ovened me while I was hiding under the covers from his mom. Needless to say it did not end well.
I'd like to have a moment of silence for all the dicks she's broken off
Sorry about the nipples in that snapchat. It was meant for the Australian.
He's the douchy one who wouldn't let me rip his shirt off, right?
I once left mine in my bra and I forgot and I didn't notice it was there until it vibrated.
Randomize
