I thought he was joking about bailing you out until I saw the picture of you and the sheep in the morning paper. Were those my boots you had on it
I just claimed my unemployment in Vegas. This seems wrong.
Was just explained ingredients in a four loko. Puzzles of the universe starting to piece together.
NC is no longer selling 190 proof Everclear. We are officially no longer the greatest state.
Look you found him on craigslist. You should be happy that he at least HAS a normal looking dick.
Hunting for men at chipotle... I feel like I should be more disappointed that this is the way my life is going but I'm really just excited for the potential.
I have no idea what's going on.... I just want to wear my horse sweatshirt and drink vodka.
hand shaped bruises on both boobs again....i wish i could say this is the first time.
There's a mouse. In the house. By the cans. With some pans. Release the cat. To eat his hat. Sorry about the mess. Of my breakfest.
No but seriously, there's a fucking mouse in the house by the beer cans
Is singing the Indiana Jones theme while I put on the condom off limits?
I'm not the one who can lose their erection, so it's fair game
So I thought the party was crazy before his pinky came off...
I'm just now starting to feel better... I remembered sleeping on the floor. I was peeing and saw his rug and it looked so comfy
When he's drowning in your chest and he muffles out the words 'I just want to live here' that's a compliment right?
Also we had sex while listening to fleetwood Mac on vinyl. Like the 70s called and told me to fuck off
I will most likely miss you the least and fondly remember you as Mr. "I need a minute" but really need 24 hours and 4 extra inches.
Randomize
