i permit you to call me
I realize now. I should have just made out with everyone and anyone when I had the chance.
ugh the "ive seen you naked on the internet" look is really getting tiring
The doctor wrote 'condom retrieval' on my discharge paper.
Do you think she hates me because I thought her roommate's name actually was Butterface?
Sun* burn. But that sounds like wait.. Midsentence thought... It would be like swimming in a giant bowl of cereal.. Only I would be cereal. This is brilliant.
I knew as soon as he opened a beer with his teeth to shotgun it that I was going to sleep with him. I'm never going home.
I was about to share my drunken story from the weekend, but two friends getting married and one finding out she's pregnant makes Saturday in jail look a little suspect.
I'm at the point where I'm more upset that he got to keep my bottle of Fireball than that he stopped talking to me with no explanation
Just broke my no shot rule again.. Made out with a stranger. That's 0 for 3 this month for the record
The port-o-potty that I peed in last night didn't actually have a toilet in it. And i never told anyone until this moment.
I just got the most majestic image of a potato sack full of dildos getting whipped at your head in slow motion.
He literally said, while inside me, "I would smack your ass but I don't want to wake my mom up". Amazing.
I’ve got a closet full of cosplay outfits and horny boytoy to help me ride out this pandemic
I’m excited to finally meet my stalkee and his penis!
Randomize
