this is amzing! feels like my body is having sex with its surroundings!
I could make wine with my vomit
meow
WTF. STOP SENDING ME ANIMAL NOISES. ITS FUCKING WEIRD.
You closed the sidewalk off to pedestrians last night. With a glitter covered safety cone
I just masturbated into a dress sock. I feel fancy
I'm not trying to go crazy tonight either. I just want to go out, have a few drinks, meet up with my ex-boyfriend and get fingered or something.
Either I got the clap, or I masturbated with soap while I was sleeping.
Results of pregaming honors college basketball social: 18 points, 3 blocks, and 3 flagrant fouls leading to 2 broken bones on former valedictorians. I'm doing this more often.
If drinking before honors events and injuring our universities brightest doesn't get you kicked out of the program, you're not trying hard enough.
Were you paying girls to come up and grab my cock and tell me I look like bradley Cooper?
I fingered her though her window because she couldn't leave
we're a generation of lazy underachieving stoners and uncreative overachieving automatons. you're golden
all i've had to eat today is leftover bday cake and a shot of tequila.
welcome to college.
Do they sell "congrats in losing your virginity!" cards and do they come in gay?
I just do things that aren't classy the classy way.
oh and i figured out why we kept smelling vomit. ive got vomit on my socks. putting the heater on my feet was not the best of ideas.
Randomize
