Police were just in my backyard to recover a loaded .38. What the fuck?????
We better get laid next semester cause I prayed hard
I even walked 30 feet with my eyes closed from two love rocks so that we get some cock
THEY JUST PLAYED KISS FROM A ROSE TONIGHT IS PERFECT
I don't really want to write this paper. It's the last one of the semester - I need to savor the feeling of procrastination.
closing bar tabs have helped me with simple math in college.
We woke up, fucked twice, she drank 3 warm heinekins to cure her hangover and said "Im glad you're still hott when im sober"
I will not be held responsible for my vagina's poor judgment.
I am drunk please bring Taco Bell and sex
Never mind I found pizza just bring sex
Would it be wildly inappropriate for me to tailgate a Jonas brothers concert?
Best sex of my life. But I think it's because I like his apartment. Really nice bed sheets. High vaulted ceilings. I wanted to lay there forever.
You're getting old. Was it located in a nice school district for your future offspring?
If you bet guys that you can drink them under the table they will pay for your drinks all night until they pass out. I have this down to a science that I think even my dad would appreciate.
I woke up in the basement of a pizza restaurant... I would say the tequila hit me pretty hard.
We're currently sharing pics of our cats. I can't wait to sit on her face.
Hey, before I head out, whats your policy on casual drug use and one night stands?
I don't know if it was the movie or the drugs but after i watched it i wore the same spongebob shirt to school for two weeks and stopped showering
Randomize
