I was hooking up with him in my car, he wouldn't stop with my nipples, I had to literally beat him off of me. He kept groaning too while he was doing it. Sick.
Mommy issues
well most of my day revolves around power hour
You get to witness red pubes. I'm almost jealous. That's like my dream.
just got tipped $5 to put a barbie in a waffle cone and drip caramel sauce on it while a group of dudes cheered and one took pics. 90% sure they were sober
I threw up on my way to work while listening to "the good times are killing me". this award goes to modest mouse for creating the most poetic puke ever
Literally lying on a futon being hand fed bacon
Fuck you.
Bro. Some kids just drive-by judged the shit outta me.
They invited me day drinking but brought their kids. 3 two year olds and 1 11 month old. I was asked to change a diaper, I laughed and took another drink of this margarita. I LIKE CHANEL AND TEQUILA NOT CHILDREN. Can we make new friends?
She was horrified when I asked if they had any strap on chin dildos, I was at a sex shop for gods sake must I be judged everywhere
Just saw a midget on an elliptical. Epic.
Can you please explain to me why there are 7 bags of tacos in my bed?
Oh my god the guy at DQ just gave me the number 69 and winked at me
I don't think "growing medical marijuana" is Quite what my Grandfather had in mind when he thought me about gardening as a child
I wanted to say, you're welcome for your orgasms, thanks for not returning the favor, Needledick
Im playing a game I have to take a drink every time my gram asks me the same question hammered by 4 guaranteed
Randomize
