I'm drinking till I'm someone else's problem
Should I have kids to fix a relationship??
woke up in a shopping cart using a keystone box as a blanket. how was your night?
You make homosexuality sound like a cult.
stop texting me from phones in the verizon store and pretending to be guys i talked to when i was drunk. its confusing.
how do you say "fuck me and leave bruises" in italian?
Seriously wondering if smoking a bowl for lunch was a bad idea.
OR THE BEST. STAY TUNED.
She literally pulled the door off the hinges and "dropped" it down the stairs... Do I just say 'good job' and put her to sleep?
Sounds good. Stay safe. I'm kind of drunk in a Food 4 Less right now and I'm having the time of my life.
Am I the only one that feels like there are hundreds of tiny people having a rave and stomping and kicking around inside my head this morning?
I dont care how high you are "yes" is not the correct response to "what do you want from Taco Bell" Mom.
New discovery: pineapple flavored vodka. Life made, liver in jeopardy. Graduation t-minus 50 minutes.
Change the recording on your voicemail. He found your number and my ass print on the car hood.
And I just want you to know I got myself into this mess. I gotta get myself out. Plus, don't you only need one kidney?
Just woke up with an entire pack of Oreos in my cheetah onesie. I've been waiting for this moment forever.
Randomize
