you want me
i'd rather choke on a dick.
I have a running excel spreadsheet detailing the number of shots in a night and subsequent ability to masturbate
my one-armed grandma is doing the YMCA. you figure it out.
I just read the lonely terrorist on nwa had 40 more friends than me on facebook
All I did this weekend was get my life in order. I feel like I wasted my time.
and now that ive poetically compared your vagina to a nuclear missile, I hope youre prepared for this date.
Don't lose. A little bit of my soul dies every time a beer pong game is lost.
let me just inform you that suppository-ing xanax is glorious
Someone somewhere has a picture of me vomiting in a bus stop trash can while a drag queen held my hair for me.
Pride claims another victim
It's almost like sex was the ice breaker and now we're sociable at the gym
It's 8 in the morning and you're doing coke and drinking margaritas. First, you have a problem. Second, why didn't you invite me?
Verdict: uncircumcised.
Who the fresh hell put 2 pillows a raincoat and a guitar on top of me to keep me warm last night
I can still taste your cum in my mouth and my in-laws are coming over. This should go well.
my roommates gone so i can take codeine and sleep naked
Randomize
