I just got hit by a car. I'm fine; I'll be to the bars in about 15
they told you the "weed man" wouldn't come until you were asleep, like santa claus. you believed it.
Leaving ole miss girls house to go to the stripper girls house. Why did it take losing my job to start getting laid all the damn time?
If I am going to throw out this whole "born again virgin" thing...i'm not going to do it on someone who is less than 5 inches.
I'm considering failing out of my last semester of college just so I can keep fucking him.
you're being stingy. if you didnt want people to have sex on your couch, you shouldve specifically said so.
Dude he's not responding... I'll take that as an unpleasant visit to the clinic
Guess which frat house I just walked out of! And on a related note... guess who's uncircumsized
If anyone wants to ring in the new year with gluttony and yoga pants, let me know. As soon as it becomes a socially acceptable hour to drink margaritas, I'm gonna go down on a chimichanga.
And I might have stolen a bag of Doritos out of Matt's car and hid them in my bag and gave individual chips out to people dancing, trying to convince people they were mini tacos.. Like why Am I allowed to be an adult
She doesn't even know his real name...he just keeps calling himself Hans the Third
Hi you snuggled with me in my bed in a maid outfit
She just asked me if I was going to stay the night. I responded "I know that we are upside down".
was having sex but got distracted... he instragramed a pic of his crotch
But really, what kind of hoe life adventure in Mexico would you do that would top me blowing a trucker?
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