So I'm banging this nun...
Isn't that how all good stories start? I like it already...
Do u kno any dealers?
I've officially lost all respect for you, dad.
I bought a nasal spray, my nose needs to be in order by the weekend
No one wears that much makeup to work unless they are trying to fuck their boss, NO ONE
After 3 dates I think I'm failing at painting the "sweet guy with a future" picture and more painting the "this is the guy to call when you've run out of options and want to get fucked in half drunk to forget about it" picture.
i know i shouldn't tell you this since i want you to really like me but i just spent the last 4 hours sleeping on the toilet.
you were afraid hed set himself on fire so you dumped a box of baking soda on him
I puked up my nose. THAT kind of night
I'm so glad I was blacked out while I was going all exorcist in the bathroom. That's so not a memory I want.
I don't know which I need first...a shower or a confessional.
Do normal couples celebrate occasions naked with Chicken McNuggets and BBQ sauce?
After a beer I realize now I may have shared too much about my obsession with ghosts with my therapist this morning.
Yea he was still drunk. He wore a Toga to his job interview.
i'd like to schedule a penis for 4pm please.
im just letting you know I walked in on you with four different guys last night. a. you were all naked. b. they're all roommates
Randomize
