He could be your dad!
We discussed that right before he asked for my number
you know your drunk when 7 soccer players cant catch up to a tranny in high heels who just stole your wallet
I wonder if u can grow weed on Framville and sell it to Mafia Wars?
ask me if i forgot to go to a midterm today
Dude, I had to masturbate just to stay warm. Please pay the gas bill?
Was awful. Wedding photos taken by a river with used syringes floating past. Had to ask the bride to put down a can of rum to have her photo taken.
For the record, saying you're friends with the owner doesn't work when the owner is the one throwing you out.
He got thrown out for leaning over the bar topless and pouring himself some beer while singing the james bond song
The guy who was The Count on Sesame Street died this week too. Therefore, you should take multiple shots, count them, & go "ahh aaahh aaaahhh" after each one. I expect video...
I don't understand why she gets annoyed by my drunk texts. It means she's who I'm thinking about even when my brain isn't functioning properly.
I can't tell if you're talking about my pussy or Cape Cod.
It's a sad night when one of your friend texts you that she's going on a date with someone you know and then invites you to maybe have a drink after
his mom fetish really needs to stop. this is literally the 5th time i've come home from work and there's been some random skank and her kids in the living room.
did one of the kids use their poo like a crayon on the wall this time?
oh you can't commit, don't have any real ambitions, and love to drink PBR? well.... sign me up!
dollar rum and cokes, see you on the dark side of infinity
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