he pointed at my clit and asked with a confused face, 'whats this thingy??"
I woke up with dick mouth, a raw vagina, an empty bottle of vodka and the best man next to me. I also found my thong by the pool. Best.Wedding.Ever.
He's blaming gravity for his problems right now, so put that in perspective
Were making Christian mingle accounts. First one to get laid doesn't pay bar tabs for a month.
Challenge accepted. See you in hell.
Malt liquor mondays...better in theory.
Gym?
Sweet baby Jebus, no. I'm Motley Crue hungover. This must be how it feels to rail a line of ants.
Congratulations on your lack of fetus.
I've decided he is effectively a mouth, hands and cock held together by bad ideas and compliments, and I'm OK with that.
New guy at the liquor store was inexplicably fascinated by our huge jug of williams. First he said what are you gonna mix THAT with? and looked confused when I said air.
Life lesson 8263 if drinking a beer in the shower be careful when shampooing... Tresemme flavored rolling rock sucks
You passed out and I didn't draw a penis on your face. Sister of the year.
"I'm pretty sure all our toasts were to Ben Afflecks penis last night."
Woke up with champagne in my hair and honey mustard on my hands. Strangely, I'm okau with this
Just cuz you've got the biggest dick I've ever seen doesn't mean u can wake me up at 2 am
I'm totes in the mood to go home and like blindly inhale dangerous amounts of porn
Randomize
