I'm sure that's not what the inventers of the Turkey baster had in mind, but that's what I had in mine.
My suggestion that we all just smoke some weed was greeted with a uncomfrotable silence and a 'maybe later'. These are not our people
Just got a message on OkCupid from a 20-year-old who has "Momma's Boy" tattoed across his chest and thinks the earth is bigger than the sun.
I sent two dick pics to a wrong number and one was in .gif format so it was helicoptering all over the place. I single handedly ruined a child's life.
I think I'm going to add the date I dumped his sorry ass as a life event on FB.
I think that's justified.
He stared me down while singing "Let Me Love You" to me while we were having sex. I don't know whether to marry him or file a restraining order.
Face washed and sleeping pill taken. Here's hoping for a more sex filled tomorrow.
me + whiskey = a bad person
ever since I turned 21 the mother-daughter bonding sessions always end with whiskey and my little pony. I don't know why, it's just a thing that happens
I'm scrolling through our convo thread and all we talk about is pizza, alcohol & dick with the occasional "I miss you" thrown in.
I'm at the back whiskey bar with a 7 and 7 in a winnie the pooh costume. Come find me.
No? The only contact I've had with him for months was when I drunk texted him from Costa Rica to say that all jazz sounds the same
So is it weird that I am super excited for my new captain america clit ring... Or is my crotch getting too patriotic
This is the fifth time tonight that girl has taken off my pants. Take me home. Now.
Its really awkward pooping while on videochat. Even if you turn the video off.
Randomize
