remind me not buy ky at kmart ever again. Had to get a manager to open the locked case. then he stood there and watched me look through the selection
I hate that ur telling me this.
Day 3 of Lent and I would already kill a puppy if God would give me permission to masturbate
there is just no excuse for touching your mothers vagina.
All i remember before i blacked out is you pointing to a random chick and telling me to bang her for America.
Don't blame the cocaine for your eating disorder.
Margaritas are 250 calories. Now measuring all food in margaritas
I am actually insulted by the long string of ugly, fat girls he hooked up with after me.
Jumped in the kebab van and said he was Ultimate MasterChef. Incurred wrath of six angry Turks. I got free chips.
He said he wanted to "superfuck" me
Does he wear a cape??
I just figured out how I'm going to tie you to my bed. Hint: I may have to go to the auto parts store before you get here.
he pissed the bed, like I literally woke up and he was pissing right beside me. With the electric blanket he's lucky he didn't get electrocuted
This Christmas I would like to thank Jesus for cocaine.
i just took a huge shit in old main. i think my college bucketlist is finished.
I legit just swiped right with a Tinder feminist just to get in an argument with her. Soo that's my Friday night so far...
I was left to my own devices with nothing to do but drink
Randomize
