you should wait a day or two to break up with your girlfriend
why?
so we can have sex in the meantime. It adds a little excitement.
Then you got really excited when I upgraded you from puke bowl to puke bucket.
okay, certainly we can't screw this up, and even as I type, I know we will
I just remembered I opened the taxi door when I was at a red light last night and puked. And then when I was done I closed the door and told him he may proceed with caution.
Come back. She's looking through naked pics of his exes on his phone and questioning him about them and I'm too drunk to walk away.
2048oz a keg...divide that by solo cup... comes out to 128 beers...simplifies into 5.3repeating cases...drinkable between two people
and u failed math?
You know, I've never slept in a rug with anyone before you
I want you to read this conversation tomorrow and be proud of the fact that you taught me how to decipher any drunk message. Good job.
I hope you get some kind or rare disease that makes your dick ties itself in a knot for fucking her you lucky bastard.
Oh my god there are animals here. There are actusal animals trying to get him. A giraffe is trying to get in. A giraffee is trying to get in. Is ridiculouss.
Look, you don't know disfunction until you've sat on the john taking a shit and crying while totally sober.
His 12 year old sister has bigger boobs than me and now that's all I can think about when we have sex
I lick assholes and I wouldn't eat mdma
Is it bad that we left the kid passed out on the bus? I think his name was texas. I was too drunk to be questioning this.
God doesn't care if you're a paramedic, you can't do that to someones cat and still get into heaven
Randomize
