first missing my period. then crying at the clinic... but why?
we had sex 3 months ago. you missed your period 2 weeks ago. but nice try.
no, there's no challenge. I live a humble lifestyle out of virtue.
You wear Armani Exchange.
I think I sharted a yagerbomb.
bras are like tupperware for tits, keeps em fresh.
It's sad that I have started checking out the ring finger before the rack...I'm getting old
She was asian and in a relationship... my two weaknesses
i was trying to find the best way to say come over and have sex, without saying it.
You bring the bicep workout. I'll bring the unscented gentle products. We'll both bring our penises.
You've got the short couch unless you find some girl to take you home
Challenge accepted.
I don't know when it is this year, but if I ever text you an illegible text that also happens to contain sharks, Shark Week started.
There's mini weenies and empanadas everywhere...
He was Jesus for Halloween and I definitely got on my knees and gave him praise.
He called me in the middle of the night to ask my shoe size. Apparently big feet would make me an unsatisfactory third for the threesome.
and it's like......my shirt is off and he's talking about quidditch. why.
How... how did you get Adam Lambert's shoes? Does he know you have them? DID YOU STEAL ADAM LAMBERT'S SHOES?! Oh my God I am so turned on right now.
Randomize
