I woke up (not at home) to find out I kissed Ryan Caberra, flashed for free gumbys and carried around an inflatable moose named Johnson. Great success.
So, I just pissed in her shampoo bottle. Hope she enjoys a late golden shower from me.
I am a mess. Weirdest thing: I woke up with a hammer under my pillow. No idea why.
I have no idea. Next thing I know we're all down on one knee saying the pledge of allegiance and then singing I'm Proud to be an American. Then Trevor ate pizza off the sidewalk.
i wont go near him until the smell goes away , and he takes the chex mix box off his head.
New Years Resolution for 2011 : QUALITY cock. Not quantity.
He yelled "juice on the loose", yes i am sure i need plan b
I told my mom about how you got white girl wasted and sobbed about Whitney Houston. She sends her condolences.
tell her thanks so much
Don't worry we will all be making bad decisions soon
That's the most comforting thing I've heard in months
The world is a different place when I'm actually having sex
apparently my buddy was fucking on our couch downstairs so i decided it was necessary to walk downstairs naked in a hockey mask.
Remember earlier when I was excited about finding that birth control pill in my purse? Definitely acid.
idk i just feel really unsatisfied. like something's missing from my life... maybe it's chicken nuggets...
Thanks for being my best friend so I can use you as an alibi to my family while I'm out getting some dick in my face.
Found like seven bruises in the shower. One was shaped like a hand. Best. Sex. Ever.
Randomize
